Sick and Tired

by Teresa S.

From the moment my fiance and I found out we were going to have a child, an instant wave of terror came across us. He was in the process of changing jobs, and his VA (disabled veterans) monthly check was not going to be enough to even pay the rent. For the first 6 months of my pregnancy we both worked for a technical support company. By December and only three months left to go, My fiance got a new job. This job has doubled his pay from $8/hr to $14/hour. And this on top of his VA check would cover rent, and major, necessary bills.
But I had to stay behind at the call center. I couldn’t afford to leave, as I had insurance on myself. And besides, the new company that he switched to would take $500 a month just to cover him and our daughter. So we decided that I would continue working up until the my due date, then take only a month off, and save my acquired vacation time for when it was really needed. We had it all worked out financially. My company did abide by the FMLA act: up to 12 weeks unpaid. I then found out that they would pay my insurance paystub deductions, but that I would have to repay them on top of it. Meaning, I had to pay $186 every 2 weeks for my normal deduction, only to have another $186 taken out on top of it. I chose to do a payment plan of 6 months, 2 checks per month, of the acquired leave installments.
I started having complications around 5 months. Due to my childhood and side-effects of surgeries and such, I started having UTIs. (Due to not being able to go to the restroom when you should). Well I started seeing a urologist. My company had a policy that you had to ask to go and wait your turn. They knew I was pregnant, but that didn’t stop them from telling me I was going on break without request. I would then say I’m pregnant, I must go or it can cause serious problems. It got so bad that I had to get a note from my urologist and my OB to have posted to all the managers stating that if I needed to go, that I could not wait another minute. The doctor put me on antibiotics for the duration of my pregnancy and for 3 months afterwards.
Around late January-early February, with only about a month till my due date, my blood pressure started to skyrocket. With the amount of stress from working in a call center, and trying to move to a bigger place to accommodate our new baby.
Any one who has ever worked in a call center or done any kind of customer service will understand me when I say I hate phones, computers, and people in general. I would have rather gone back to being a bartender than deal with a majority of the people I listen to everyday. At least being a bartender, I could actually cuss back at the person instead of swallowing my pride every time someone called me a liar or other foul language I am going to omit. I never used to mind it until I got pregnant.
I was submitted to the hospital more thatn 3 times due to stress related dizziness and high blood pressure. It started getting so bad that my OB faxed my managers a notice saying that I was to go on early maternity leave, and that I would not be able to work until after the birth.
Oh, how this did not work out the way we needed it too. I ended up using my acquired vacation time for only a total of 50 hours. This still left me with a week of unpaid. We figured it out and found that we would be able to afford it. We would just have to cut back on a few things. After going on early leave and resting at home, my blood pressure was monitored and level to normal until the day our daughter was born. She was born 4 days before her due date.
One thing my work offered me during my leave was the option to work from home. I still have to abide the same rules as before, but Im in the comfort of my own home. I thought that this would be a good thing. I could go back to work, and financially we would not have to worry about daycare, and with gas prices these days, I’m glad I’m at home.
But all is not to stay happy for long. The first 2 weeks were hard, trying to time me asking for a break to check on Issie and when to take lunch to go feed her and all the fun stuff. I started to get the routine down. But after about a month I started feeling sharp pains in my side and gut. Something didn’t feel right. They got so bad that I would collapse in the aisle of the grocery store in pain. It took the doctors 4 months to find out I had gallstones. I then had to wait another month to have surgery. They wanted to do it the next day, but I had to schedule to use my vacation time again to have it. Unfortunately, I did not have enough time to schedule the FMLA again. The nice thing about the surgery is I had it on Friday and was back to work that Monday. So I only had to miss one day of work.
Now here comes the part that kills me. Since the moment Issie was born, I didn’t really have time to really heal myself or get my mind in place. I went straight to work, only to be mentally unstable for the job. Not only do I sit indoors for 8 hrs during the early morning to mid-afternoon on a computer hearing a phone ring on average every 5 minutes, I then get chewed out by upset people, which I relate to, but come on, I don’t have to take this. Click. Only to be told that I am on the verge of losing my job due to even more impossible policies by the company. I then have a crying baby for a majority of the rest of the night cause she has slept way later into the day then she should. So I get only a few hours every night. My fiancé could sleep through a car wreck, so he doesn’t even hear our daughter cry. Issie is now 9 months old and I still work at my tech support job, but now I have to listen to her cry when I put her back in her crib for the last 3 hours of my shift. There is nothing I can do to calm her. She wants to crawl around and play but it’s just not safe for her to play without me seeing her. I can’t just hang up on someone or I will get fired, and she is too vocal to have in the same room. I have to mentally absorb every ounce of my job and my daughters cries for attention.
I am about to lose my mind. My family is suffering because my hospital bills are out of control; I have the state health program that helps with formula, cereal, and juice. That saves 200 dollars a month. But that doesn’t make a difference. My fiancé and I are at our wits end. I am always depressed. Everyone blames it on postpartum. That only makes it worse. I am so tired that on the weekends that I don’t ever leave my house. I only go to doctor appointments, grocery stores. My job drains me so much that I am physically sick and tired, which leaves me no energy or capability to deal with a active child. Much less any personal time for me and my fiancé. I have roughed it this long, I just hope that our bonds are stronger then the string that lies between.
I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.