Choices

by Cat Walters

Fourteen years ago, when my daughter was eleven years old and my son two, I lost my job when the company that I worked for closed its doors.

I searched for months, keeping a list of every place that I had sent a resume and/or had an interview. At some point I looked at the list and was astonished at the sheer amount of entries. I began to doubt myself, beat up on myself, and became very depressed. About a week later I had another interview. I was asked three questions that, although I had been asked before, struck a nerve in me on that day.

1.Are you married?
2.Do you have children?
3.Who will care for your children while you are at work?

I went home and asked my husband if he had ever been asked any of these questions. Not surprisingly, his answer was no. He didn't really understand why I was so frustrated. I said, dads actually take care of their kids too. Sometimes they even stay at home while moms go to work. Believe it or not, parenting is not just for women anymore!

Within a year I was divorced and a few years later remarried and living in a new city. At that time my husband and I decided that I would stay at home with the kids. We realized that the expenses of daycare, travel, etc. would ultimately make so little difference in our financial outlook that it could not compete with the benefits to the entire family of having a parent at home.

We were able to put food on the table but we sure did struggle. Some months we had cable or phone and some months we didn't. It wasn't unusual to search for change so that my husband could put gas in the car to get to work or to allow my daughter to eat lunch at school that day.

Despite those things I never doubt that we made the right decision. The benefits to both of our children were evident, but even my husband has thanked me many times over the years. He often tells me that knowing that I am here when the kids need me gives him peace of mind and allows him to stay focused at work.

It wasn't long before I realized how many families in our neighborhood were struggling with the same issues. Many families had two parents working and just to get by or a single parent trying to be everything and everywhere. At some point I informally offered to be the neighborhood mom taxi, or the place where kids could go after school while they waited for a parent.

The most frustrating aspect of being a stay at home parent is the comments that sometimes come from people who think that I sit around eating nachos and watching Jerry Springer all day. "It must be nice to be a kept woman", or "I wish I were a lady of leisure too".

This was a choice, and not an easy one. Society can't seem to make up its mind if mothers are supposed to get up, get out, and go to work, or if mothers should be at home caring for their children. Whichever road we choose, it is never easy, there are always sacrifices, and there are always critics.

Over the years my husband gained experience and knowledge in his field and several years later our family moved to a suburban neighborhood.
Amazingly, I saw families facing the exact same problems. My son is a sophomore in high school now and I am still the mom taxi. Picking up from school, football practice, or a party because other parents haven't been granted the gift that I have. I know it's not much, but when you are a working parent it is a least somewhat comforting to know that your child has someone dependable to get him or her home or that they are in a safe place with someone providing some supervision.

Sometimes that means that we have four or five kids at our house eating all of our food and making a mess of things. I love every minute of it. I have never lost sight of how blessed our family has been and I am glad to be able to share that blessing. I will always be grateful to my husband for the sacrifices that he has made throughout the years so that we could have this life. Ultimately I would like to see a time when all mothers and families have the ability to make that choice.